One of the more bizarre things I encountered this week was this item on subway etiquette that appeared in Tuesday’s The Standard.

It appears to be a guide instructing Hong Kong people on etiquette when surrounded by mainland tourists on the train.  I’m not going to be accused of being a racist by saying that it’s the mainlanders who need to learn a bit of etiquette – because most of them actually manage quite okay here.  And one could argue that some of the things listed here are broken by locals as frequently if not more so than they are by tourists, such as the eating/drinking on the train bit and screaming into their mobile phones.  Unfortunately there’s nothing on the list about the latest MTR annoyance – the fuckwads who are playing games or watching videos on their phones with the phone speaker cranked all the way up instead of using headphones.

But the last point is just bizarre.  Okay, I get the thing about all the women (and some men) sitting there going to work and doing their eye make-up as the train lurches around.  But here’s the entire bit:

4. Remember: no tweezing, plucking, manicuring and picking your nose. This goes for applying make-up and wearing socks and stockings while the train is at full speed.

Not that I’m Mr. Grammar or anything but that second sentence?  Really?  Okay, exactly what goes for applying make-up?  Don’t pick your nose while applying make-up?  That’s just common sense though, isn’t it?  And, what? No wearing socks or stockings while the train is at full speed?  Does this mean that when I board the train, I need to remove my socks before the train pulls out of the station?

I can assure you, Mr. Hong Kong Standard, that in my 15 years of riding the MTR here, I have yet to see a woman putting on or taking off panty hose while on the train.  I’m sure it’s something I’d remember if I had.