Monthly Archives: February 2011

In Daring Need of a Sincere Partner

Share

What’s it been, 2 weeks since Mubarak stepped down?  Actually I’m surprised it took them this long.  Email received today:

OFFICIAL MEMO

From:  Ms. Mariam Sobh

Fax Number: +44 84458 83458

Phone Number: +44 70359 40876

Re: Investment Partnership

We are consulting with you on behalf of President Hosni Mubarak who just stepped down few days ago as Egyptian Leader.

President Hosni Mubarak is in daring need of a sincere partner in a lucrative investment window.

At present, our client has an urgent need for assistance to relocate from Egypt and invest into the any lucrative economy the amount of Ninety Eight Million United States Dollars (US$98,000,000.00). This fund is part of his personal fund since his 30 years reign as Egyptian leader.

The need for an urgent relocation of this fund from Egypt is necessitated by his sudden pressured hand over power to the Egyptian Military which is not a democratic institution. The fears that his assets may be frozen is sheering him in the face and hence for his decision to urgently move this fund.

It is in view of this therefore that I write to solicit your assistance and participation to move this fund abroad. All necessary arrangements have been put in place for a successful transporting of this fund abroad. You will be well briefed if you confirm your willingness and interest in this project.

We are willing and ready to negotiate your percentage accruable to you in regards to your participation in the successful relocation and investment of this fund.

You will be properly briefed on my receipt of your reply confirming your interest to participate and what will be required of you as concerns the successful execution of this project will also be communicated to you.

I wait your immediate response to this proposal.

Your Faithful,

Ms. Mariam Sobh

Assistant Consultant Officer

Afritrade International Inc.

 

Share

They Totally Mallicked Him

Share

One of the movies I watched last week was Middle Men.  ”Inspired by a true story,” it is the tale of Jack Harris, a seemingly incorruptible Texas business man who meets two idiots who have written a program that allows web sites to accept credit cards (this is back in the mid-90s) and are using this to make a fortune from porn.  He creates and runs the business, makes millions and has an affair with a porn star, all the while dealing with Russian mobsters, drug addicts, crooked lawyers and idiots (oh, and helps the US government capture all sorts of Arab terrorists because, you see, they like porn).  The film stars Luke Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, James Caan, Kevin Pollack, Kelsey Grammar, Robert Forster and many undressed women.   It’s very far from a great film but it’s not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

What I didn’t know was that this film was in fact produced by the real life Jack Harris, Chris Mallick.  He spent $32 million of his own money making a film that has so far grossed $754,000.  There’s a fascinating profile of him now in Details.   The movie flopped, Visa ended its relationship with his payment brokering company and he’s got thousands of creditors banging down his door.

Wealthy men are lured to Hollywood all the time by the promise of becoming producers. But few have the audacity to make a movie about themselves. When Mallick embarked on Middle Men, he was a little-known businessman with a questionable reputation—the film wasn’t telling his story but rewriting it, scene by scene. If it was an effort at whitewashing, it backfired in grand fashion. Today, “Mallick” is slang for “swindle” in certain circles (Urban Dictionary’s sample usage: “I can’t believe my uncle fell for one of those Nigerian scams. They totally mallicked him out of $10,000″). A Google search for Chris Mallick returns page after page of accusations and vitriol—the link to the Wikipedia entry for his crowning achievement, Middle Men, is buried beneath a deluge of hate sites.

Middle Men tells the story of a straitlaced Texas businessman named Jack Harris, who makes a fast fortune in the Wild West of online porn. He teams up with two degenerate drug addicts who have just created an algorithm to enable credit-card transactions over the Internet but who desperately need our hero to rescue the business from their incompetence. And so he does, but he has to endure the sordid backwash of the porn world in the process, when all he wants is to get back to his wife and kids in Houston. He can’t leave because his partners—”a couple of idiots”—might run the business into the ground while he’s gone. So, trapped in Los Angeles, he uneasily keeps earning a fortune, has a brief affair with a porn star, regrets it deeply, and ultimately returns to his wife, lesson learned—a classic hero’s journey. His partners, meanwhile, get inadvertently mixed up in child pornography and cut him out of the company, out of sheer greed.

“It’s about 80 percent true,” Mallick says. “Luke Wilson’s character arc is very close to mine. He’s trying to do business in a sea full of truly crazy people.”

For instance, the company depicted in Middle Men—Paycom—wasn’t nearly the mess that the film suggests. When Mallick joined, in 1999 (according to him) or 2000 (according to the company), Paycom had some 170 employees and a 20,000-square-foot office and had been thriving for four years. The founders, Joel Hall and Clay Andrews, are neither degenerates nor child pornographers nor fools—Hall is a software engineer with an M.B.A. who continues to run the business today (it’s now called Epoch), and Andrews is a qualified website developer, though he struggles with alcohol abuse. Mallick was hired as a consultant, became CEO in short order, and had eventually accumulated enough shares to be considered a third partner by 2005, when, after mounting disputes, he was fired acrimoniously. Paycom alleges in a lengthy legal complaint filed that June that Mallick tried to take over the company by filling key positions with family members and cronies and plotted to oust Andrews by exploiting his drinking problem. It also charges Mallick with using company funds to shower “models” with gifts and take them on business trips on chartered jets.

Quite interesting stuff, whether you watch the movie or not.

What’s he doing now?  He’s got a 3-D production studio.

 

Share

You Should Prefer Old Women To Young Ones

Share

I could probably write a book on this topic … and maybe one day I will. Anyone who has ever been in Wanchai will know what I mean, though almost anyone in Wanchai will disagree with me. And I’m probably not one to talk, as the woman I’ve been living with for the past two and a half years is 23 years younger than I am.

At any rate, words of wisdom from a letter written by Ben Franklin to an unnamed recipient, said letter to be found today on Letters of Note, provides 8 reasons why Ben thought older girlfriends are better.   “You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons.”   Which he then provides.  And they make sense, as one would expect from the writer of Poor Richard’s Almanack.  They include:

Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility.

Because there is no hazard of Children

Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation.

and of course

They are so grateful!!

Hit the link for the full letter.

Share

The Tobolowsky Files

Share

Preface of a sort.  I’m one of those nerds who knows who most of the character actors in films are.  I don’t just recognize their faces, I know their names too.  This goes back to when I was growing up.  There was no cable TV back then, just broadcast.  New York City, in the 50s and 60s, had just 7 stations.   WOR-TV, Channel 9, had this thing on the weekend they’d call Million Dollar Movie.  They’d take some old film and show it 5 or 6 times over the course of the weekend – cheap programming, but usually great films.

At an early age, I realized that most of my favorite films kicked off with the Warner Bros “WB” shield at the beginning.   And as much as I loved actors like Jimmy Cagney and Humphrey Bogart (I named my second dog after him), I always got immense pleasure from the Warner Bros stock company – actors like Alan Hale, Sr., for example.  Elisha Cook, Jr.!   These guys were not stars and were never going to be stars.  They came, they did their work, they were always recognizable no matter what the genre or costume, they delivered like professionals.

There’s still lots of great character actors working today.   Some of them you probably know, like Steve Buscemi, who occasionally pulls down a lead role and has also directed.   How many of you know Stephen Tobolowsky?

This guy is about as average looking as they come.  Hell, he defines “average looking.”  If you look up “average looking” in the dictionary, well, it’s not there, that’s a phrase and not a word.  But this guy is the very definition of that phrase.  And yet, this 60 year old guy from Dallas has acted in more than 200 films and TV shows.

Spaceballs, Seinfeld, Mississippi Burning, Great Balls of Fire, The Grifters, Groundhog Day, Thelma and Louise, Basic Instinct, Single White Female, Californication, Glee, Heroes, Deadwood, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Memento … everywhere you look, that’s where he is.  But did you know that he also wrote True Stories, the Talking Heads film?  I didn’t.  I didn’t know anything about him at all.

And then he turned up on an episode of the WTF with Marc Maron, the podcast that  has been the soundtrack to my daily commute for the past several weeks.  He’s on #147 which came out just three weeks ago. I enjoyed the interview a lot.  I discovered that he played guitar with Stevie Ray Vaughan.  He tells an extended story in this interview about the time he broke his neck, a tale of some amazing coincidences, a tale about “the other side of miracles.”

He tells the story so well that when I heard he had a podcast of his own, I decided to check it out.  The Tobolowsky Files (via the good folks at Slashfilm).

Each episode of this podcast runs for about an hour.  Each episode starts with him chatting with Slashfilm editor Dan Chen, a chat that gradually leads into an extended monologue, a short story taken from Tobolowsky’s life.  He talks a lot about “unintended consequences” and “the moment before zero.”   He chooses his words with care and, as a trained actor, seems to effortlessly hold your attention.

I haven’t listened to too many of these yet, but after listening to the three most recent episodes, I’ve gone back and downloaded them all (44 so far).  Listening to Maron every day is warping my little brain too much.

The most recent one, The Voice From Another Room, is a great one to start with.   You’ll find out how he came to be involved with David Byrne and the True Stories film.  It’s fascinating stuff.

You’ll also find out why the band Radiohead is basically named after him.  No shit.

Wisdom and insight often come from unexpected sources.  No one in their right mind would expect anything intelligent from Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day.  But the actor who played him, that’s a different story indeed.

If you don’t believe me and don’t check this out, it’s your loss.  It’s an hour, it’s free (stream via the web site or download from iTunes) and I think you’re gonna like this.  I do.  A lot.

 

Share

Are My Blog Stats For Real?

Share

This is very weird.

I just upgraded to WordPress 3.1.   And then I took a look at my stats.

On a normal weekday, this site gets an average of 700 visitors.  My busiest day since switching over to this domain about 15 months ago received just under 1,000.

According to the stats yesterday there were 2,550.  1,476 of those came from Singapore.  Hi, Singapore!

And what did most of those people look at most?  This one, from August 2010.  1,300 searches for actress Vonnie Lui led to that post, which has one picture of her.

And I see that if one does a Google image search for Ms. Lui, I turn up in the first page of the result set.

Why is Vonnie Lui suddenly such a hot topic?   Did some genuinely popular blog link to that photo?

Is the message that I should stop writing and just be aggregating sexy shots of Hong Kong stars here?

 

Share

Firesign Theatre Fan? Then You Need This

Share

Okay, you probably have to be American and around my age for Firesign Theatre to mean anything to you.  They mean a lot to me. Wikipedia says:

The Firesign Theatre employs a stream of consciousness style that includes direct references to movies, radio, TV, political figures, and other cultural sources, intermingled with sound effects and bits of music. The resulting stories — including the theft of a high school, a fair of clowns and holograms and aliens who use hemp smoking to turn people into crows — border on psychedelia, an effect intensified by the frequent appearance of mock “advertisements” satirizing real products.

I’m not sure that the above description really does them justice.  Each of their albums, especially the first four (Waiting for the Electrician or Someone Like Him, How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You’re Not Anywhere At All, Don’t Crush That Dwarf Hand Me the Pliers and I Think We’re All Bozos On This Bus), were these bizarre audio plays that were widescreen in their vision and range and a bit subversive in their content.  Later on I thought they relied too much on puns but the early stuff had a huge impact on me and I think holds up rather well today.

“Why, he’s no fun, he fell right over.”
“You can wait here in the sitting room or you can sit there in the waiting room.”

“It had been snowing in Santa Barbara ever since the top of the page and I had to shake the cornstarch off my mukluks as I lifted the heavy obsidian doorknocker. Hey in there… open up. Your doorknocker fell off.”

…right next door to the tomb of the unregistered voter.

“The whole world is spinning!” “That’s lucky for us! If it were flat, all the Chinese would fall off!”

And we certainly wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?

Anyway, the point is that there is a limited edition book/DVD-ROM package just out and if you loves you some Firesign, you should order it now while you still can.

Yes, thanks to the tireless efforts of official Firesign archivist Taylor Jessen, we are proud to present, for the first time anywhere, the complete, mammoth, authoritatively definitive and totally awesome Duke of Madness Motors: The Complete “Dear Friends” Radio Era 1970-1972 book and DVD-ROM combo pack.

The DVD-ROM disc contains high-resolution MP3 audio files of every Firesign radio broadcast from their three series’ of the early 1970′s:

  • The Firesign Theatre Radio Hour Hour (24 episodes);
  • Dear Friends (21 episodes); and
  • Let’s Eat (12 episodes)

…ending with their big final blockbuster, Martian Space Party. A total of 58 shows in all, 80 hours of audio, on a single DVD-ROM disc. Each broadcast is completely restored and remastered for your protection. There’s also the syndicated versions of the Dear Friends and Let’s Eat episodes, and a handful of additional goodies and surprises from the vaults.

The full color 108-page 7″x10″ book contains:

  • Complete rundowns of every broadcast;
  • A lengthy and thorough historical/hysterical essay on the troupe;
  • New intereviews with each Firesign group member;
  • Interviews with long-time Firesign associates, producer Bill McIntyre and engineer The Live Earl Jive;
  • Collages by Phil Proctor;
  • Vintage found objects, original scripts and more.

The set costs US$45 and the good news is that they’re doing international shipments for just $5 more.  Yes, that probably means that it’s going to take its time getting here.  I can be patient.  Sometimes.

Share

Shuang Shuang

Share

Give the people what they want?   Well, if what at least some of you seem to want is more pictures of Mavis Pan Shuang-Shuang, occasionally referred to as “Little Shu Qi” by the press, then I am happy to oblige.

More photos here.

Here’s the real Shu Qi.

More photos here.

Share

Did I Miss Something?

Share

Okay, I know John Tsang did his budget speech today.  And I know it was rumored that there would be a tax hike on cigarettes, more than likely taking the price from HK$39 to $49 per pack.  Coverage in the SCMP so far has no mention of what Tsang said in this regard.  Assuming he did announce the price hike, was it supposed to take effect immediately?

When I’m in Wanchai and need smokes, I always buy from the newspaper stand in front of Hay Hay.  And tonight, my regular guy wasn’t working there, the guy who knows me and knows what brand I smoke and what magazines I read.  There was a woman there and she charged me $49 for a pack.

So just out of curiosity, did the hike take actually effect on Wednesday?  Or was she, to put it politely, getting a bit of a head start on this?

Share