I am in the midst of attending a two day internal seminar on, to use something other than its official name, the digital future and how to milk more money out of it. Many of you know that I work for a division of a humongous conglomerate, one that is active on the Intertubes in many ways, yet is not seen as a thought leader in most. So they’ve organized this two day session and I get to attend. (I also attend many of the monthly Web Wednesday HK meetings, even though I myself don’t get to do very much web stuff professionally any more.)

This morning had numerous presentations on Web 2.0. I sat there looking at examples of what other companies were doing, wishing I was doing some of that. During a workshop, in which we were called upon to come up with ideas for merging disparate data streams within our company and coming up with a marketable product, I came up with something within 2 minutes that had some people talking the rest of the day.

But during another workshop, in which we were asked to note what we’ve learned, what insights had hit us during the day, I realized that if I wrote down what I really felt I’d learned, I’d be fired on the spot.

It’s even more frustrating when I think about my last job – one in which I had full charge of the company’s internet, intranet and extranet web sites (as well as all internal applications) and I had the chance to do some serious design and architecture for them, with what at the time were, I believe, fairly cutting edge designs (that would have provided real business value across the board). I was really proud of what I was doing. It was work that I was excited about and that energized me. And then I realized, that job was 7 years ago.

I think I proved to myself, and to others there, that despite my advanced age, I’m pretty much on top of what’s happening with the web now, and where it could be going. It’s just that I don’t have a chance to use any of that knowledge on my job. And the odds are that as long as I stay with this company, I never will.

The fact is, that within my division at least, all of the creative work and decision making has been centralized within the home office. Since I’m working in a “remote region,” none of that even trickles down to me or my team. All of the development is done in L.A. or London.

Zip back almost exactly 20 years ago. I was working for a start-up, before these things were called start-ups. I was the first employee hired by the company. I was promised equity in that company but never got it in writing and so I never got it. I realized I had to get out of there but didn’t know where to go.

As part of that job, I had taught myself DOS, dBASE III and Novell. I had designed a database, taught the staff, maintained the computers and the network. Yet what I didn’t know was the value of the knowledge I had gained there. I actually had no idea that these were skills that were in demand and for which I could receive a more reasonable rate of pay than what I was getting. I really thought at the time that if I left that company, the only option available to me was to get a job as a clerk at Tower Records. Then, thanks to a variety of accidents and advice, I found out the value of my knowledge, got some additional training and certification, and within two years was somewhere else at double the salary.

I’m at that same stage now. Odd as this may sound, I don’t think I’m cognizant of the full extent of my knowledge. I think I know more than I know, or more than I realize. But one thing I don’t know is how to take that knowledge and not just monetize it (as marketing folks love to say), but actually get myself into a position where I can use it. I’ve always been bad at self-promotion, at least where my career is concerned.

And that’s why I would have been fired if I’d written down what I’d learned today. I’ve learned that I’m wasting my life away, at least career-wise. I have no opportunity to use any of the technologies that were shown to me. I’m not doing work that’s challenging, I’m not doing work that comes anywhere near the level that I’m capable of doing, and the time I have for doing it is rapidly slipping away. Sometimes it’s just too easy to accept the status quo. I get a fairly fat pay check. I lead a pretty damned easy life. Some of my friends tell me that if I make changes, I’ll actually have to work again. Sometimes that is a pretty daunting prospect. Because when you stay too long in a shitty job, you get demotivated, and if I didn’t know it before, now I’m completely aware of it. I need to do something to keep what’s left of my brain from atrophying.

I need to make changes. And to do that, I need to make a plan. And then take action. And I will. “There is no try, there is only do.”

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Our meeting is at Cyberport. This is my third time here – the first time was to go to a movie, the second a concert. Now I’m here for two solid days, and staying at Le Meridien to boot.

Cyberport looks nice on the outside, and on the inside too. But it’s a fucking ghost town. I went wandering through the halls at one point this afternoon. I should have seen hordes of bright young minds running down hallways, laptops under arms, faces glowing with ideas. But most of those hallways are empty. Most of the display and demo rooms are dark. Most of the conference rooms are dark. Ah, the brave new world as presented to us by Richard Li.

As for the shopping mall, it’s practically a ghost town. The only busy place was the Park ‘n Shop, filled with housewives and maids who live nearby. I needed something for a stuffy nose but this joint is so inconsequential that it doesn’t even rate a Watson or a Manning, even though I believe there’s a law stating that they have to have at least one in every shopping mall. Not even a 7-11. Just that “International” Park ‘n Shop, which had the saddest pharmacy section I’ve ever seen.

The hotel is not bad for what it is, a 4 star hotel trying to be a 5 star or a boutique hotel but not quite succeeding. My room isn’t bad – decent size, partial sea view, 42 inch plasma tv, rainforest shower (but no bathtub). While the hotel is booked solid, the 3/4s empty bar had a huge projection screen showing Korean music videos. The elevator has a monitor showing Mr. Bean videos – sound turned up to full. And while I was quoted a discount price for parking, the reservation agent had forgotten to note it in my reservation. It took 3 complaints and an email to get that straightened out. I’d forgotten a plug adapter and it took an hour and 3 phone calls to get one. No daily newspaper. A fruit bowl with no fruit. No bathrobes. $180 a day for internet. A hotel in Cyberport charing extra for internet for fuck’s sake? The hotel needs to understand that minor foul-ups like that can color one’s entire impression of the hotel.

Plus I hate the relentless way they try to upsell you. There’s this huge lucite contraption on the desk with things you can buy … candy, nuts, gum. And a teddy bear, baseball cap, t-shirt and flipflops. And a pack of condoms, which on the preprinted price list is listed as an “Intimacy Kit.” If that’s not bad enough, there’s a big bottle of Evian right on the night stand, with a huge price sticker on it.

It all just feels so uninspired.