HBO series Rome. Season two, Episode three:

Cassius: So, if we could return to the subject of money. Please bear in mind, your excellency, that those who help us now will have good friends in Rome when Marc Antony, the traitor, is deposed. Very good friends. It’s only a matter of time, with or without your help, we shall raise an army, we shall. Antony’s head will rot on a spike.

Turkish king: There are Roman women who are fucked by babboons.

Cassius: Um, er, excuse me?

Turkish king: I have heard there are shows where such things can be seen.

Cassius: Um, er, ah, well they are not so much shows, really, they are more a punishment.

Turkish king: I should like to see that. We do not have such in Bithynia.

Cassius: I should imagine it’s simply a matter of training the babboons.

Turkish king: We have no babboons here, no apes of any kind.

Cassius: Oh, er, uh, I wasn’t aware of that. So, as I say, those who help us now …

Turkish king: Yes. You want my money to raise an army. I want to see a Roman woman fucked by babboons.

Cassius. Mmm. Perhaps arrangements can be made.

and ….

Atia: You came in very late last night.

Marc Antony: Business.

Atia: Business involving wine, vomit and sex.

Marc Antony: I’m sorry, did I disturb you?

Atia: Not at all. Do please wake me before you come at me so. It would be a little less … alarming.

and

Marc Anthony: I didn’t bring you here to talk of children.

Cicero: Indeed. I await your pleasure.

(Anthony stands up, Cicero flinches, Anthony walks over and starts peeing in the potted plant next to Cicero as the conversation continues.)

Antony: When my term as Consul is over, I no longer wish to take the governorship of Macedonia. I wish to take Gaul.

Cicero: But Decimus is governor of Gaul.

Antony: Well he can have Macedonia if he likes.

Cicero: (trying to look away as Antony continues peeing) I’m afraid that will be a bit difficult. The Senate may suppose you plan to emulate Caesar, camping your legions on our border, close enough to Rome to scare us into doing anything you wish.

(The conversation continues. Cicero is unwilling to go along with Antony’s plan but is visibly scared.)

Antony: Well you leave me only one option then.

Cicero: It always comes to this.

Antony: I know. I’m sorry. Such times we live in.

Cicero: Please, go on. Make your threats. I don’t like to submit to mere implication.

Antony: Hmm. There’s a question I’ve always wanted to ask you. Your old friend, Crassus, when he was captured by the Parthians, is it true that they poured molten gold down his throat, because that would really sting.

Cicero: Thank you. It is correct, what you say. The weather in Macedonia is dreadful.

(Antony leaves the room.)

(In a later scene, Antony arrives at the Senate but Cicero is not there. A senator informs Antony he has a letter written by Cicero and Antony instructs him to read it.)

Senator: (holding scroll aloft) These being the words of Marcus Tulius Cicero. (Unwraps scroll.) When I was a young man, I defended our state. As an old man, I shall not abandon it. I give sincere thanks to Marc Antony, who has generously presented me with the most promising theme imaginable.

(Antony smiles and laughs.)

Senator: I address you directly, Antony. Please listen as if you … as if you …

Antony: Go on.

Senator: Please listen as if you were sober and intelligent and not a drink-sodden, sex-addled wreck. (Other senators start to leave the chamber.) You are certainly not without accomplishments. It is a rare man who can boast of becoming a bankrupt before even coming of age. You have brought upon us war, pestilence and destruction. (The senate empties out.) You are Rome’s Helen of Troy. But then, but then …

Antony: Go on. Go on!

Senator: … a woman’s role has always suited you best.

(Antony jumps up, grabs the scroll, beats the senator to death with it.)

History come to life. I love this series and look forward to each episode.

Hongkie Town
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