Shortly after he was denied the chance to bail out from a series of disasters at PCCW, evil sub-genius Richard Li, the Mini-Me to Li Ka-Shing, AKA Master of All He Surveys, put his plan, cunningly called “The Plan,” into action.

From his lair of semi-evil off, aka “Cyberport,” he was going to hold the world ransom for 100 billion Hong Kong dollars. He let it be known that he would assassinate the President of the United States unless he was paid this ransom. This plan backfired when he received higher offers to actually carry out the deed.

So he then went with his other plan, strategically known as “The Other Plan.” His target: the interweb, uh, world wide wub, uh, that thingie that people pay me lots of money so they can look at porn. He would threaten to destroy Asia’s access to the inter-thingamabob unless they ponied up 100 billion Hong Kong dollars (or unless sales seriously started to increase on NOW-TV’s home shopping channel). The inter-whang seemed like a good target because someone told him that a friend of someone who worked for him who actually used the globe wide web once said that people were saying mean things about him there.

He placed a small thermonuclear device at a central communications junction on the ocean bed just off the coast of Taiwan. He was going to threaten to detonate the device unless he received his money or Bai Ling’s mobile number.

On the morning of December 27th, his mobile phone rang. Usually one of his semi-evil minions would answer it for him, but they were all on another mission – waiting in line to get him a full set of new collectible Hello Kitty key chains at 7-11. So he had to answer the phone himself.

“Hmmm, I wonder how that’s done?” he thought as the ringtone played his favorite tune, “If I Ruled the World.” He picked up the phone and tried smacking it with his head, but that didn’t work. He slammed it down on the desk, smashing his thumb but at the same time hitting the Big Red Button of Doom that detonated the device.

“Curses! Foiled again! Just wait till next time, I’ll get you yet, you wascally wabbit!”

Hongkie Town
Share